


grand finale

by chopinseimei



Series: and who said you're one in a million? [4]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M, even if it comes after this in the timeline, read catharsis before this at the very least, the breakup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-20 23:52:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14272266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chopinseimei/pseuds/chopinseimei
Summary: With shaking hands, he takes his phone from the nightstand where it had been charging and just… stands there, for a few seconds. Thinking about what he's about to do. Once he does this, there’s no going back. But it’s no good dwelling on those things, he reasons, no time for second thoughts or buts or maybes, and he regrets that just a bit in hindsight.Yuzuru ignores the ‘goodnight <3’ message Shoma sent him three hours ago and types out the sentence he’s been rehearsing in his head for the past two months.We need to talk.





	grand finale

Yuzuru glances over at Shoma, watching his boyfriend’s hair disappear into waves of dark brown in the soft moonlight. The younger skater’s eyes are closed, a content smile painted across his lightly flushed cheeks. He wishes he could call it perfect, but the sinking feeling in his stomach pushes down the butterflies and for once the word _ peace  _ slips his mind.

But he can forget about it for now, forget about the thoughts and inevitability of the end catching up to him, because Shoma opens his eyes and smiles a little wider and Yuzuru can let himself get lost in them, just this once. Just this one last time.

“Hey,” Shoma murmurs, and Yuzuru feels a chill go down his spine at his sweet tone. He doesn't deserve this. “We should be going to sleep now. It’s getting cold out here.” he gives a tired little laugh, lips still quirked up. Yuzuru has to force himself to look away. Shoma stands, then links arms with the other when he does the same. He doesn’t want this to end, because Yuzuru knows as soon as there’s no breeze to carry his thoughts, as soon as they step back into that hotel hallway and there’s heavy silence between them, that he can’t pretend this isn’t happening.

He wonders, when he catches a glimpse of Shoma’s soft expression, how the other got so good at pretending. Or if he’s even pretending at all.

Being hit with the warm, stuffy hotel air feels suffocating, but Shoma goes on, because Shoma’s oblivious and perfect and really doesn’t deserve any of this. And Yuzuru hates himself, because he can’t even grant him one last night together, not when it means waking up in the morning in arms that are a ghost of comfort and to eyes that sparkle with a love that he wishes he could return but can’t. Not when it means seeing everything he’s got to lose just before he pushes it away again.

Yuzuru slips his arm outside of Shoma’s before they’ve even at his room door, and gives the younger skater a tight, media-made smile.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” he says, hopes his voice doesn’t crack upon seeing the smile slip from Shoma’s face.

“I.. yeah.” Shoma mutters, arms dangling awkwardly by his sides, eyes hardly meeting Yuzuru’s. This hasn't happened before. “I uh.. ‘night, then.” a kiss or hug isn’t even considered, and even despite the fairly neutral expression, Shoma’s disappointment and slight hurt is clear in the way he nervously chews on his lip, eyes betraying him with a glimmer that speaks of something still desired. Something that Yuzuru can’t give him.

“Love you.” Yuzuru calls after him when the elevator doors are already halfway closed, and it feels like the biggest lie he’s ever told.

* * *

 

Shoma closes his door with a quiet click, then presses his back against it and breathes in deeply.

Yuzuru had acted a little weird, back there. He wonders if he’d run his mouth off too much, gotten too sentimental, because he knows sometimes that makes things awkward. But that hasn’t happened in what feels like years. Now Yuzuru lets him talk, enjoys it; he says that the sound of Shoma’s voice is comforting, and that makes Shoma smile a little. It’s probably just a one-off thing- after competitions, they’re both always a little worn out and irritable. He gets it. Shoma himself is probably worse when he's like that.

But now all that’s over and he only has the gala left, Shoma can let himself sleep in, five more minutes of peace before he's dragged out to gala practice by an impossibly cheery Yuzuru. At that thought, he yawns, then stops leaning on the door and flops onto his bed. Ah, he needs this.

Admittedly, he’s still a little disappointed at the lack of Yuzuru’s arms around him, but really, he understands. Sometimes people just need to be alone. Though he does hope that whatever it is, Yuzuru will sleep it off or they can talk it out tomorrow. If that doesn’t happen, there’s a stack of Disney films in Shoma’s suitcase and he’s got plenty of cuddles to give. He giggles to himself at the mere thought; everything’s going to be fine, he’s just overthinking things.

He feels his eyes fluttering shut, everything going a little fuzzy as he slips into sleep.

Everything’ll be okay.

* * *

 

Yuzuru wakes up at 4am.

He’s shaking from a nightmare that he can’t recall, cold despite the closed windows and soft blankets. He takes a minute or so to gather his bearings, and even then it takes a while before he musters the courage to actually get up.

It has to be today. The heavy feeling in his chest is too much, choking and choking and choking and he just can’t take it any more. Yuzuru gets up with a stumble, and finds himself staring out of his window at the city below, lights blinding against the dark blue backdrop of night. It’s all so  _ alive, _ but Yuzuru wishes it weren’t. It’s selfish to ask for this; for the world to stop turning, if only for a moment, so he can live out this memory like a dying heartbeat. He knows. He knows he’ll miss this when it’s over (if it isn’t already) no matter how hard he tries, but it’ll help him out in the long run. It has to.

With shaking hands, he takes his phone from the nightstand where it had been charging and just… stands there, for a few seconds. Thinking about what he's about to do. Once he does this, there’s no going back. But it’s no good dwelling on those things, he reasons, no time for second thoughts or buts or maybes, and he regrets that just a bit in hindsight.

Yuzuru ignores the ‘goodnight <3’ message Shoma sent him three hours ago and types out the sentence he’s been rehearsing in his head for the past two months.

**_We need to talk._ **

* * *

 

Shoma wakes up almost immediately, because he knows the only thing on his phone that isn’t set to mute during the night is Yuzuru. It’s 4:10AM.

He looks at the text and doesn’t think much of it; he’s still sleepy, a little giggly over the dream he’d just had (podium kisses with Yuzuru. Sickeningly sweet but very healing,) and all around just a bit out of it. But he manages to get up and throw a jacket on over his borrowed shirt, make sure his jeans are on the right way (ever since that incident where he’d put them on backwards before a date with Yuzuru he’s been triple checking) and get out the door before it sets in a little and he actually thinks about it.

One; Yuzuru never uses actual grammar in his texts. He’s all acronyms and emojis, and some of it’s rubbed off on Shoma, he’ll admit. But this may be the first time he’s ever seen his boyfriend use a full stop in the right place. It’s a bit alarming, actually.

Two; Yuzuru, when there’s an issue, is more the type to casually joke about it with the hopes that someone gets it, or ignore it completely. They’ve been working on that recently, but Yuzuru is never this upfront about things. So that either means this is a joke, or this is serious. He’s holding out for the former.

Fortunately, Yuzuru’s room is on the same floor as Shoma’s, just around the corner and intentionally so. They’d made it a habit to get rooms as close together as possible; it makes it easier to get to eachother, and it makes Shoma or Yuzuru crossing over between the two rooms in early morning a little less suspicious. Having another skater with you in the elevator when both of you know for a fact that this is not the way to your room is not a pleasant experience, and god forbid if it’s one of their fellow Japanese skaters. The memory of that one time with Keiji still makes Shoma cringe.

Shoma shakes his head, finding himself at Yuzuru’s door a little quicker than he’d like. He feels unprepared for this, even if he doesn’t know what’s coming, but at the same time he just wants to get this over with and go back to sleep- in Yuzuru’s arms, preferably. He takes a deep breath, raises his eyes from the grey carpets of the hallway, and enters.

He doesn’t knock. He and Yuzuru stopped doing that long before they were even dating. But he enters hesitantly, a little surprised to find that Yuzuru isn’t sitting on his bed like he’d been expecting. Instead, he’s facing away from Shoma, leaning against the windowsill, leaning up toward the darkened sky.

“Shoma,” he murmurs, and despite the tense atmosphere Shoma can’t help but think he looks beautiful. Skin soft and painted in moonlight, eyes glimmering slightly with what he hopes is just the lights, hair fluttering lightly around his head like a halo when he turns to face him. Lips so so soft, and it takes Shoma a second to realise they’re moving.

“-can’t do this anymore. I’m breaking up with you. I’m sorry.” his voice is steady, so sure of those words, and that might just be worse than the sudden pain that hits Shoma full-force in the few seconds that it takes for it to settle in. The apology was probably meant to help, but all it does is rub salt into the newly-inflicted wound. And god, does it hurt.

Shoma forgets how to speak, for a few moments, but what comes out of his mouth is a weak, “Wh...what?” as he stumbles toward Yuzuru. He doesn’t get further than his bed, though, and has to steady himself by sitting down on the sheets that smell too much like his (ex?) boyfriend. He feels ill.

“I’m breaking up with you.” Yuzuru repeats, voice still hollow. For a brief moment, their eyes meet and Shoma sees something, a ghost of emotion written in his gaze that’s gone as quickly as it came. “This thing can’t go on. We’re _done._ ” as if Shoma needed the affirmation. His hands are shaky, sight blurred by tears that hurt to hold back, overwhelmed in every regard and he _just wants to get out of here._ He stands up with a jolt, but reminds himself that this isn’t just something he can run from; he can’t shake it off like a bad practice or skate or even an injury and be back on track eventually. This is something that needs closure, and he isn’t getting any breaks or second chances.

“Why..?” Shoma’s voice cracks. “Yuzu, I thought we were okay, I- did I do something?” it’s entirely possible; Shoma’s always careful, sometimes so much that his plans backfire and someone ends up getting hurt. But he’s not like that around Yuzuru, hasn’t been since their first real argument over Shoma lying about some small stupid thing. Maybe he hates this side of Shoma- the one that doesn’t hide behind rehearsed conversations and well-disguised anxiety- even more.

“No.” Yuzuru replies, and the hint of desperation in his voice might just be Shoma trying to make this seem more real, make it seem like this is his Yuzuru talking and not some nightmareish ghost born out of the weird food he’d eaten before bed. But there’s a breeze coming in through the window, and Shoma can feel his heart thudding in his chest, and he could touch Yuzuru if he stepped just a bit closer, and this is all so painfully real.

“Then  _ why?” _ Shoma sobs, unable to help his own emotions from spilling out along with the tears. “Usually people have the decency to give a _reason-!”_ he doesn’t miss the way Yuzuru flinches at that, at the way his voice chokes off into a muffled cry. “I thought we were fine! We were  _ happy!”  _ and at this point he might just be voicing his own nonsense thoughts, all jumbled up and hazy, but he doesn’t care. Yuzuru isn’t saying anything anyway.

“And  _ you  _ haven’t done anything!” he continues, beginning to pace around the room. Yuzuru’s never been one to doubt his decisions. And if he does, then Shoma knows, he's sure he would. But then, there’s only one other explanation for this, and Shoma wishes so much for it not to be true. Wishes Yuzuru would talk again, if only to drown out the thought clawing at his mind-

“You don’t love me.”

As soon as the words leave his mouth, Shoma feels like breaking down all over again. It’s so  _ final, _ as if it were set in stone centuries ago and Shoma’s only just realising it. And maybe he has; the past few months with Yuzuru really seemed too perfect in hindsight, something straight out of a film or one of Shoma’s dreams when he was younger. He’d been stupid. Naive. Of course it wouldn’t last.

Yuzuru is still quiet, but his eyes are dark and wide, and he doesn't deny it, and this time Shoma knows the slight glimmer in them isn’t because of the light. It hurts- he can't bring it in himself to stay here any longer, and it's not as if Yuzuru is asking him to.

Shoma leaves with a choked sob and quiet click of the door and doesn’t dare let himself look back. 

Yuzuru hadn't said a word.

* * *

 

Yuzuru knows he hasn’t done the right thing when he watches Shoma leave, because he has to remind himself not to miss him.

**Author's Note:**

> heeeeeeeeey hey hey!!!! again i am so sorry it's taken me a century and a half to post again, but my stupid ass decided to take on like four different projects at a time and this was one of them lmao. one of them's a smaller story but two of them are larger ones, one is an Epic Multichapter but that's on like. the bottom of my priority list  
> blarhg  
> it's like almost 5am rn im sorry if this is bad i didn't have much time to make edits ahhdhdgfhgdh  
> but my tumblr is chopinseimei if you want to talk to me when im not half dead!! :D


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